Fried

I wouldn't say I forgot, but it hasn't gotten any easier to parent an infant.

In case you were wondering.

The first time around it was hard because it was all new. You are scared that you might do something wrong. Although everyone told you you would get no sleep you had no idea what that actually meant, or how long it would take before you actually got to have a real sleep again. You worried about the babies weight gain, is it getting enough to eat, is it eliminating enough? And then there is the realization that your life is no longer your own. A concept you imagined before baby came but again, don't really comprehend until baby is there.

Second time around you don't have any of that stuff- or at least not as much. But lack of sleep is still no picnic. And of course, you now already have a child to take care of. Whereas before you might have been able to "sleep when the baby sleeps" (as everyone tells you) when you have another child to take care of you don't have that luxury. You also want to ensure that child #1 still gets plenty of your time and attention. There are new routines to learn. Getting two children bundled up for the winter cold and out to the car takes more time and more patience than one.

In both cases, as babies main food source there is very little freedom. Baby eats every 2-3 hours so that is your window of opportunity to do any chores, run errands or go anywhere. (Unless it is somewhere you can breastfeed comfortably)

There are still days when one looks up and it is 5pm and you haven't managed to take a shower. But at one month i can sort of see a light at the end of the tunnel. Baby is starting to go longer between feedings. And I hope to start pumping this week so we can introduce the bottle soon which should give me some more flexibility. Now if i can just figure out when and how I can pump...!

Then and Now

When I had Miss D I knew exactly two other people with children - and they both had infants. What this meant was that anything we needed or wanted for her had to be purchased. This time around, tons of our friends are done having kids - and can't wait to get rid of their crap. To date I have received:

- An entire wardrobe for the boy from birth to age 4 (in exchange for Miss D's old clothes)
- 3 months worth of boob pads
- breastmilk bags (for pumping)
- bottles and nipples
- a super warm fleecy car seat baby cover thingy
- Four (count 'em, FOUR!) baby slings. none of which I seem to be able to use
- An exersaucer

Apologies if I've left out something you've given or lent me!

Amazing Measurements

In two months- my daughter grew almost 2 inches.

Also, there is nothing like giving birth for immediate weight loss. 2 weeks after baby arrived I had lost 20 lbs! Even accounting for 8 lbs of baby and however many lbs of placenta and fluid that is pretty amazing.

I am actually back to the weight I was before I went on my big diet last year. So this adds to my illusion that I should be able to fit into some of my "bigger" clothes.

Sadly, my pelvic girdle, thighs and distended belly don't seem to have gotten the message yet that things are back to normal.

What? too much to ask for not even a month later?

Breastfeeding- the tide turning?

Nearly 5 years ago when I had Miss Dukes the conventional wisdom on infant feeding was that breast is best. The AAP came out with a policy statement in 2005 saying the organization formally recommended breastfeeding over formula. The benefits ranged from better gastrointestinal health to studies that indicated breastfed babies in general had higher IQs than children that were not breastfed.

In fact, many publications seemed to insinuate that by not breastfeeding you were probably hindering your child's development- and maybe even doing your child harm by not giving them the best possible nutrients! For me, breastfeeding with Miss D was pretty straightforward. We both got the hang of it right away. But many moms I know agonized over breastfeeding. Spent months and dollars trying gadgets and lactation consultants. And if in the end they were unable to breastfeed successfully, they most likely felt guilty about it. Or worse, felt that they were not good mothers because of it.

I always felt pretty good about breastfeeding Miss D for 9 months. (a bit guilty we didn't make the recommended full 12, but the decision to wean was a mutual one.) When i was asked at the hospital what I wanted to do I replied that I would be breastfeeding, of course! And all the nurses and the pediatrician we saw at the hospital mentioned that since I did fine with the first baby the second one should be a piece of cake.

BUT, it seems to me like there has been in a change in the air for healthcare providers. Apparently in the past couple of years there have been some studies showing that breastmilk does not provide enough of certain vitamins- in particular vitamin D. (Vitamin D, is apparently not actually a vitamin, was misclassified as such in the 20's or something. Anyway, it is naturally processed by human skin from sunlight. The reason breastmilk does not contain enough is due to our lifestyle change of using lots of sunblock and not spending time in the sun.) So now the recommendation is that breastfed babies should be supplemented with vitamin D to avoid rickets and other health issues.

At the hospital, when my baby was only 6-7 hours old, i commented to one of the nurses who came to take my vitals that the baby seemed to be feeding a lot. Her response was "maybe he needs formula". Which just sort of shocked me. I mean the baby was just born! And everyone knows that breastmilk doesn't come in for 3-4 days. I just feel like back in 2005 NO ONE would have recommended formula- formula was seen as a last resort. LAST RESORT. 3 days later we took baby to the pediatrician's office. The doctor was concerned at the babies weight loss (normal for babies to lose weight in first week) and immediately recommended that we start supplementing. (giving a newborn a bottle that early often causes nipple confusion and can make breastfeeding more difficult or even impossible if the baby prefers the easier bottle nipples) Even though I was unsure as to whether my milk had come in yet. I ended up checking with a lactation consultant and decided to wait another day and he ended up gaining just fine on my breastmilk. Then at our last appointment we were told about the supplementation.

A friend of mine who has a 5 month old and 2 other previously breastfed children also noticed a change at her doctor's office. When the doc asked how she was feeding the baby and she told the doc proudly she was breastfeeding exclusively- she felt sort of shut down when the doc said she would need to vitamin supplement.

I wouldn't be surprised if in a few years the new recommendation will be to feed some breastmilk and some formula, before the pendulum swings the other way completely!

Om Namah Shivaya

My religious upbringing was a mixed bag. My Father was born and raised Jewish. My Mother was born and raised Mennonite. Both chose to look for other spiritual paths in their 20's. My mom looked around for a while. There was a Unitarian church she attended when we lived in MD, but she didn't like any of the practices she visited in Albuquerque. I think she is still a spiritual person even though she is not affiliated with a particular faith at the moment.

My dad on the other hand started following Siddha Yoga before my birth and still does to this day. When I was young there was a yoga center in our town he would attend occasionally, now I think his practices are mostly personal.

As children and young adults my sisters and i were never forced to attend any services. But as we got older and more curious we were encouraged to visit the religious centers of my parents and even friends. Free to make our own choices.

For a while in my pre-teen and teen (?) years i became very interested in Siddha Yoga. I went to the local yoga center with my father. I even went to a 2 week intensive in upstate NY where I saw the guru herself. There's not a lot I've kept with me from those days. I remember i loved the chanting part best. I cannot smell nag champa incense without being drawn back to that white carpeted finished basement of someone's house. The sound of Indian instruments playing.

The only thing i use is a mantra: Om Namah Shivaya. This loosely translates to "I honor the divinity within myself". When I was taught how to meditate, I was told to think this mantra on each inhale and each exhale. This was one method to quiet the mind and get to the divinity part of meditation.

Needless to say, I have never been very good at meditating. I am unable to get to that point where my mind ceases it's never ending stream of chatter. But i still use this method to relax myself in many situations. Times of great stress or emotion. Times of great pain. (Hello labor!) And recently, every single moment of the day or night when I am able to catch a few hours of sleep. When my overtired brain wants to run in a million different directions, about 10 minutes of repeating the mantra on each inhale and exhale slows my breathing and quiets my brain.

Oddly enough I had forgotten the meaning until yesterday when I asked my Dad. I don't know that I'm any closer to reaching Nirvana, but the sleep is surely blissful.

Update on Baby Life

I definitely feel like I am in much better shape mentally this time around. I remember distinctly around the 2 week point with Miss D having a total mental breakdown. Now we did have the added stress of having just moved in to a new house, and the fact that parenthood was totally new and we were so concerned about doing something wrong or harmful in addition to the lack of sleep. But on Monday, Bubba will be 2 weeks old and i actually feel like we are reaching a bit of a groove. (subject to change at any time of course!) i don't know if I have just adjusted to the lack of sleep or if I am doing a better job of catching naps when I have the opportunity.

I also suspect that Bubba may be sleeping more/better at night than Miss D did because I am having him sleep on me. (With Miss D i was too afraid I would squish her) Or maybe he is just pretty good with his days/nights. He tends to be more alert during the day and for the past week anyway between 12AM-7AM he goes right back to sleep after feedings. (Approx. every 2 hours but sometimes up to 3)

I am amazed by the rapidity of my stomach shrinking. maybe it is because I have a 4 1/2 year old daily marking the progress of my belly button from outie to innie, but I don't remember shrinking down this fast last time. (Or maybe I was just too out of it to be aware) This has led to some rather ambitious clothing choices on my part. I did try to fit into a bigger pair of my regular pants the other day. (Not ready.) And a bigger shirt yesterday (quite tight). Methinks i will be in elastic waists for a while yet but i may raid my "regular" closet for some shirts. Can you tell I am sick of maternity clothes?

We all knew it would be different when the baby came, we just didn't know how it would be different. Honestly, most of my thoughts were about Miss D, and I didn't even consider how husband and I would need to change to account for another being in the house. One thing that is becoming clear- with a one child house there is always the chance that one of you will have a break while the other one is amusing the child. That is a luxury we will no longer have. We have definitely benefited from my Mother being here and I am a little afraid to see what's going to happen when she leaves.... ;( But on the other hand, we have to figure it out sometime!

Miss D herself is not displaying any jealousy. If anything she is sometimes too affectionate. She always wants to touch and hold and kiss him. And she likes to do this at inopportune times like when he is sleeping or eating. (OK that is what he is doing most of the time so i guess I have to cut her some slack there) As time goes on and also when mom leaves i think the reality of the changed situation will settle in more. She has been a bit more whiny of late, but she also has a cold so it's hard to say what is causing it.

Starting Dec 1, she will be going to school Monday, Wednesday and Fridays. Until now, she has had a class on her off days (Gymnastics or Ballet). This has been great because i make sure she is getting some physical activity each day and also breaks up the day for both of us. Unfortunately, the park district does not offer any classes the entire month of December. Which means that every tuesday and thursday it will be all me with both kids...*titters nervously*

So Tired- No surprises

Needless to say, I have been short on time and brainpower and the ability to form a cohesive sentence let alone blog entry seems to elude me.

I have been so fortunate to have my mother here to allow me to nap.